My deep longing for home has culminated through my experiences of loss and eviction. There is an inseparable relationship of my family’s socio-economic status and this desire I seek to fulfill. The act of voyeurism is all I can afford. Walking around at nighttime and observing the qualities of light, shadows, and signs that there is life inside these structures are one of my favorite passing times. It is like window shopping; I feel as if I will never have enough money to buy into my desire to belong.
My paintings are of low-quality snapshots I take with my camera phone throughout my night walks. I use the imitation of a polaroid to draw attention to the memories we make around our homes. I have lost access and ownership to the majority of my family’s photographs and therefor I am creating a collection of false memories that simultaneously showcase my desires, my tie to the suburban dreamscape, and my voyeuristic behaviors that seek to satisfy my ideological beliefs of human existence.
Capitalism has romanticized what home, my shelter and my body, means to me by structuring my ideological belief. There are visual markers in mass culture that decide my place in society if I can afford it or if I work hard enough for it. My infatuation with these markers, such as white vinyl and fresh cut grass, is proof that I perpetuate capitalisms oppressive regimes. We are controlled by our burning desires that are constructed by capitalism. Will we ever be able to move past the oppression that we face each day?